Split Lip

At 1:00 p.m. on Saturday, May 3, 2014, you called me and said you’d “messed up.” I wasn’t prepared for what followed. You told me you’d fallen and smashed your face on the floor of your room. You ended up in the hospital, being stitched up. 6 stitches to the face, the left side of your lip—your beautiful lip that I’ve kissed—had been torn all the way through. A captain stitched you up and said if it hadn’t been done just right, you’d have had a cleft lip. It would be ok, though, you assured me, failing to reassure me. 

You then said you had to go. You needed to go home from the hospital and clean up your room as there was blood all over—a lot of it. I was speechless so I let you go. What could I say, feeling so powerless and distant? At 1:00 p.m. on Saturday, May 3, 2014, it struck home just how far from me you are.

I wanted to ask you if you were in a lot of pain. You see, the thought of you in pain is agonizing to me. I wanted to be there to take care of you. . .to put you to bed, clean up the blood. The thought of it, your vital fluid, spilled on the ground, horrified me—not because I was grossed out but because it should never be anywhere but in your body, pumping through you, keeping you alive and healthy. I wanted to ask you whether there would be a scar. I don’t care if it scars, but I know you do and it kills me to think of you feeling less handsome than you are. In short, I want to somehow make everything better. Stupid, huh?

Dumb or not, one fact remains. I have missed you every day for some time now. 6,000 miles has felt like such a yawning gulf between us. Until this moment, however, I didn’t know it could feel worse, feel like so much further. I want to be there with you. I need to not be half a world away.

I know, there’s nothing I can do for you at this moment. I know that even if I were there with you, there would not be a thing I could do for you. I know you’re strong and don’t need taking care of. Yet I feel helpless because I’m so far away. I want nothing bad to ever happen to you and yet I know that’s impossible, so my next wish is to be there with you when the bad things do happen.

It was just a mishap. An accident. It will heal, you will be fine and for that I am grateful. Scar or no, you are beautiful to me and I love you. But at 1:00 p.m. on Saturday, May 3, 2014, I was suddenly struck by the thought that this distance between us is not something I can live with for much longer. You are my husband, we should be together. I should be there by your side the next time something happens.

I know, this is not something we can change right now. This is our life. You are a sailor. You are strong. I was a soldier and have been strong, too. I get it. I knew what I was signing up for.

It will never be easy to be apart from you, though. I don’t know how the countless military spouses before me have done it. I don’t know how much worse deployments are and I don’t want to. I don’t know how I’ll manage through this. I will though. For you. For us. But someday I will be there with you, by your side for all the good and the bad, the little mishaps and victories of life. Count on it.

Phoenix Matsuri Festival

Every year for the last several years, I’ve gone to the Matsuri Festival, the festival of Japanese Culture. It takes place in downtown Phoenix at Heritage Square behind the Arizona Science Center. It’s gotten slightly bigger every year and includes not only booths to buy anime, Japanese t-shirts, Asian traditional clothing, toys, etc. but also pan-Asian food, educational booths about Asian Americans, Buddhism, calligraphy and so much more. There are also Japanese dancers. And Japanese dog breeds. Japanese flower arrangements and bansai trees. So much Japanese culture!

The first day, Saturday, I went on my own. I just wanted to get out of the house and also to take it all in. Wandering around, I was not disappointed in the festival as this year was just as good as other years. I knew I shouldn’t be spending money, but I bought myself a t-shirt from Sumofish, hoping to replace my lost Tofu Robot shirt *sniff sniff* and also a Fat Rabbit Farm t-shirt. I look at Fat Rabbit Farm shirts every year but never buy one. They’re so cubby yet can pass as just vaguely anime or Japanese enough to not look too childish. I figured it was the year to finally buy one:

After spending all that money, I felt like I should escape. Not to mention that the crowd was getting thick and it was already 83 degrees—in February! Before leaving, though, I saw a group of traditional Japanese dancers and I was mesmerized for several minutes. I decided I’d have to come back the next day for sure.

I did go back, and this time I took your tail. That’s right, you read correctly…you weren’t even there and yet I took your tail! Hehe—I wore your wolf tail. It was a big hit and people loved the mouse although I’m sure they wondered if I was a furry (there were lots there including suiters!) or some anime character they didn’t recognize but that their otaku pride wouldn’t allow them to admit not knowing. Sorry for stealing your tail like that, but it was lots of fun and people even took pictures of it!

The day I took your tail, I was with Rayne and Mystic. We met Sada there, along with her disgustingly cute baby. We wandered and met up with other furries, including Kaynhine who hung out with us. Afterwards, Mystic and I went and saw the Lego movie. It was awesome, of course. Everything was made even more awesome by the fact that Mystic gave me an Aww So Cute. It was like Taco Tuesday, only on a Friday—in my pants!

It was a fun-filled, yet non-stressful weekend. I wanted you to be there so badly. Not that it’s been that long since I saw you, but still. You would’ve loved it. Maybe you’ve gone before, I don’t remember, but I think it would be something you’d enjoy. I bought you a souvenir while I was there because I was thinking of you and because I love you. @(^_^)@ <3 p="">